10 years

10 years ago I was at the best university of my life. I was in a happy place. Suddenly, things changed. I had an accident that claimed 75% of my body. 2nd and 3rd degree burns from scalding hot radiator fluid. I'm not writing this to tell the entire story in detail. So I had a traumatic event. After this traumatic event, my heart suffered a tragic loss. My beloved Grandmother Dorothy Moore passed away. The interesting point to make is that once I came out of the hospital for my accident, she went in to get help. Some weeks later they released her home. Then the night before Halloween, she passed away. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye as she laid in bed. But the rest of my family did. I missed out because I was preoccupied with a person who is no longer apart of my life. I'm not playing the blame game. I make my own decisions and unfortunately I have made some very bad decisions in my life. Even now to this day. But 10 years ago is when things changed. My grandmother went home to be with God. I unfortunately had to withdraw from college. My family started to deteriorate. The cancer that ate away at my grandmother has also ate away the close relationship my family had. I've had a cousin make a remark that, "our family died when grandma did." That was very hurtful. I have another cousin who moved away. I miss her dearly. Other family members have there issues. I have mine. So, 10 years ago it felt like my heart was broken. It felt as if my family would never be the same again. It felt like I was never going to recover. 10 years later and my family still has problems, my heart is being pulled in many different directions and I just don't know what to do anymore. I write this because it helps. I no longer have my trusted best friend and brother. I don't have my long distance true friend in my life. I am a product of my own choices. I'm walking this path and taking care of others without regard for myself. My 10 year plan that I made in my senior year of high school has not come to fruition. There has been much heartache and intense pain. I've spoken to therapists and doctors to see what's wrong but I find writing to be much more therapeutic. Now I just have to start taking more time instead of giving up so much for others. 10 years ago I was happy. 10 years later and I'm trying to find more happiness. Thank you God for the blessings and tender mercies you show me each day. I pray humbly for wisdom and discernment. I pray for increase. Bless me. I love you. Amen!